i just stopped...*

there gets a point in my life when every person in it abandon me, just stop having a relationship with me.. or i just stop existing to them.. people just tend to do that

it sucks so much because when it happens i don't expect it.. it just happens in a blink of an eye..

they just stop caring.. and it makes me feel like shit..

i feel like i care too much about them and they don't care a shit about me..

i don't feel like i have a best friend anymore.. i'm just by myself.. i have no one to go to.. except my mom but that doesn't count that comes all natural :).. and my boyfriend.. they are the only ones that are truly always there for me..

i do things for people even though i know .. i really know.. they would never do something equal or even close to what i could do for them..

when i am a friend i am 100% of a friend.. and i expect 100% from my friends too.. but i rarely receive it..

i just don't..

i just wonder sometimes .. did this really happened?.. did you just vanished?.. did i missed something?.. its not fair.. not even close to fair..

i miss who you were.. and you're not even the shadow of it..

it breaks my heart every day still caring.. still hoping for the best.. still believing in you

"all your friends seem like enemies when your broken down and empty"...

i'm broken down and empty...

i want a consistent friend.. someone who's my friend always.. not sometimes when they feel like it.. because i'm a friend always and i will always be...

i need a friend that cares like i care.. i need a friend that needs a friend.. i want a friend that wants a friend..

i thought i had that friend.. but i just stopped believing..

no pertenezco...*

no pertenezco a este mundo..
me siento tan distante..
no logro entender muchos porque's
y no logro ense~arme a mi misma que no importa lo que haga
esas preocupaciones no van a dejar de existir
y que no importa lo que haga nada de lo que no entiendo va a cambiar
no pienso como todos.. ni entiendo cm todos piensan
no lo apoyo .. ni logro comprender eso
siento que todo lo que un dia fue dejó de ser
y me siento a esperar que todo lo que hoy es dejará de ser
y odio vivir así..
esperando lo malo.. no poder disfrutar el ahora sin pensar mas allá de eso
cuando por fin lo logro yo misma hago que se da~e..
y no logro aprender
y no logro dejar todo atrás..

pero ya me rendí
si no lo dejo yo atrás siempre va a estar ahí
siempre viviré esperando la desgracia..
y eso no es vivir..

cuando todo este bien lo aceptaré
cuando todo este mal entonces trabajaré con eso
pero mientras pueda me lo disfrutaré
como nunca lo he logrado hacer...

frustrante...*

es desesperante no poder hacer nada cuando quieres hacerlo..
sentirte de manos atadas..
sentir que no importa lo que hagas no puedes hacer ver
que no importa lo que hagas no puedes evitar nada..
quisieras que la gente viera como tu vez
quisieras que la gente sienta lo que tu sientes
pero no puedes..
es frustrante...